My mate told me he was going to divorce his wife as she hadn't spoken to him for 4 months. I told him to think it over. A woman like that is hard to find. If I was honest I'd have to say I wasn't paying attention and when the car in front braked I didn't see the brake lights and smashed into the tailgate causing considerable damage. A rather attractive young blonde woman leapt out of the car and charged toward me waving her arms and yelling "Ram me up the f*****g arse, why don't you?" And that, your honour, is where the misunderstanding occurred. My wife asked me to get our young, red headed son ready for his first day at school. So I punched him in the face and stole his lunch money.
The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?' Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.' 'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?' Suzy replied: 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.' 'What a wonderful answer!', the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your feet.' The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. 'Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?' Johnny said: 'Well, I walked into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying: 'Oh God! I'm coming!'
