Funnies - viewers discretion advised

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Gums, Jul 22, 2011.

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  1. Freedom of choice

    Freedom of choice Elite Member

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    Gums, is all that hair coming out of your ears or just your nose !
     
    #661 Freedom of choice, Dec 21, 2011
  2. Givover

    Givover God Like

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    The Wife was counting out all the 1p and 2p coins on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.I thought to myself: ''She's going through the change''
     
    #662 Givover, Dec 21, 2011
  3. Freedom of choice

    Freedom of choice Elite Member

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    I think I must have brought a Pete Doherty Christmas tree.

    It keeps dropping needles and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it’s not dead by Boxing Day
     
    #663 Freedom of choice, Dec 21, 2011
  4. Freedom of choice

    Freedom of choice Elite Member

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    I got my son a great action toy for Christmas. The little man comes complete with suit, bow tie and gavel. When you press a button he says "going once, going twice....."

    Really hope he likes Auction Man
     
    #664 Freedom of choice, Dec 21, 2011
  5. Givover

    Givover God Like

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    Generation Gap.[​IMG][/IMG]
     
    #665 Givover, Dec 21, 2011
  6. Givover

    Givover God Like

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    Following the death of the human cannonball at the Kent show, a spokesman said ''We''ll struggle to get another man of that Calibre''
     
    #666 Givover, Dec 21, 2011
  7. Gums

    Gums Active Member

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    disembowling takes some guts
     
    #667 Gums, Dec 21, 2011
  8. Freedom of choice

    Freedom of choice Elite Member

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    As its christmas I would love to take the ex wife out.

    But what weapon ?
     
    #668 Freedom of choice, Dec 22, 2011
  9. Freedom of choice

    Freedom of choice Elite Member

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    .....BREAKING NEWS....
    Manchester United will not be calling off the home game agianst Wigan on boxing day despite the proposed tube strike in London.
     
    #669 Freedom of choice, Dec 22, 2011
  10. vino

    vino New Member

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    I've spent the last 2 years search for my ex's killer..............no one will take the job.
     
    #670 vino, Dec 22, 2011
  11. Villan

    Villan Active Member

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    LMAO Classic
     
    #671 Villan, Dec 22, 2011
  12. JD

    JD Active Member

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    Took mine out last night, one punch!

    JD
     
    #672 JD, Dec 22, 2011
  13. kpone

    kpone Moderator
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    Yeah, last night my ex came around.

    So I twatted her again.
     
    #673 kpone, Dec 22, 2011
  14. Villan

    Villan Active Member

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    Me an my missus had a row last nite and i'm ashamed to say that I hit her..........but then we patched things up and we ended up having the best sex we have ever had

    Well, I say "we".......................she was still unconscious
     
    #674 Villan, Dec 22, 2011
  15. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    I'm very sorry for this next joke



































    Peadophiles are fcuking immature assholes
     
    #675 Remal, Dec 22, 2011
  16. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    Stunning Lady walks up 2 the bar. She signals the barman 2 bring his face closer 2 hers. Running her fingers through his hair she says softly "are you the manager?" He says "no"."Can you give him a message?" she asks stroking his face & allowing 2 fingers 2 slip into his mouth so he can suck them gently & sliding them seductively across his teeth & round his tongue

    "Tell him there's no toilet paper"......
     
    #676 Remal, Dec 22, 2011
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  17. Freedom of choice

    Freedom of choice Elite Member

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    I noticed a sign at my local station that said "Dont stand beyond the yellow line or you could be sucked off when a train train goes by".

    Three fcuking hours i stood there in the cold, nothing.
     
    #677 Freedom of choice, Dec 22, 2011
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  18. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    I went to a party last night. I thought I looked pretty smart, but some Jewish cunt said, "The '70s called... They want their shirt back!"

    I said, "The '40s called... Your shower's ready."
     
    #678 Remal, Dec 27, 2011
  19. Gums

    Gums Active Member

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    Im still in the police cells , I got stopped by the police last night as part of their " Drink Driving Campaign " A policewoman asked me " How many drinks have you had in the last 24 hours "Apparently , " Not enough to shag you" was the wrong answer
     
    #679 Gums, Dec 29, 2011
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  20. Remal

    Remal It's ME
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    New Year's resolution- Date more models.

    Revised- Date more.

    Revised again- Get a date.

    Revised one last time- Stop crying whilst masturbating.
     
    #680 Remal, Dec 29, 2011
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