My mate John driving his Ranger back from Birmingham rang and asked me for a battery as it needed a new one.I texted him back to say its in stock.He texted back saying hang on Fat Fucks driving.I replied can she actually reach the pedals (4ft 5).Then it dawned on me when a text came back saying John is driving and you fucking wait till I see your face again.We still laugh about it now.His missus has never forgiven me.
on holiday in Tunisia Karen says "how long will it take to charge the the ipad up cos their electrics not as strong as back home!"
Not exactly what someone said , but bloke in his 60's at our place removed a damaged sideguard (basically the long metal bar that runs the length of a truck to stop you going under the wheels) and put it on the floor . He then went to our parts dept to get a new one which came in a long box and put the box right next to the old one . He then proceeded to open the cardboard box that was clearly at least 2 feet shorter than the original sideguard ... removed the new sideguard and placed it on the floor next to the old one. Quite how he expected it to grow 2 feet just by removing it from the box , i dont know.
My brother's got a video tape taken by his wife over the side of a ferry in Zante when she saw a turtle swimming close to the boat. It was only just breaking the surface but she was so excited she kept shouting to everyone "I've got a turtle's head! I've got a turtle's head! Quick, quick Kevin, I've got a turtle's head!" Over her screaming you can hear my brother choking.
J's just watching Celebrity Mastermind and Mark Thompson sat down and started talking about 'star gazing'. "Oh, is he a star gazer?' She asked. Ever the pedant I said 'He's an Astronomer'. 'Oh, is he?'
my sister has a lot of racer friends as well as knowing a lot of people in high places in the biking world (very jealous when I miss out on the drinking session) so anyway one of her friends was the cheif mechanic for james ellison on the CRT bike and would regularly get other big names to phone the sister and leave funny voice mails or videos for her on her phone.well she was on the phone the other day and he says to her I have someone here that wants to talk to you, he then said its cal aka honey badger to which the sister replies what the F*&k do I want to talk to cal for; I can talk to him anytime.......too late he had already passed the phone to cal and he heard the whole thing.he sheepishly said hello I take it your not in the mood for talking,my sister just went a nice shade of red lol.
J just asked me what Schrodinger's Cat was. I was surprised, but a bit chuffed that she was curious about the fundaments of quantum mechanics and the building blocks of the universe. I thought it best to begin with the fact that photons have a mass greater than many of the subatomic particles we use them to observe and so there nature can be altered simply by trying to record them, rendering any observation obtained in such a manner, moot, leading us to Werner Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle and Erwin Schrodinger's legendary thought experiment regarding the vitality of a boxed and possibly poisoned cat. She nodded sagely and furrowed her brow in some kind of understanding of the principles I tried to pass onto her and when I asked her what had triggered this sudden interest in quantum theory and she replied... "It was a joke in Big Bang Theory I didn't get."
I rememebr trying to slip the Schrodinger's Cat theory into conversation the way they managed to do it on big bang lol.
"I hope you have had a pleasant journey" said by this mornings First Capital Connect train driver as we arrived at Kings Cross, and without even the slightest hint of sarcasm. Sent from Freedom's Hellberry
I was telling my brother about a video on the Internet where a bloke was trying to explain for ages to his mrs how long it would take to drive 80 miles at 80mph, my brothers wife jumped in quickly to say "what a thick cow it's obviously 80mins" At this point quite alot of fosters came out of my nose!
after laughing at this thread the current wife asked me whats so funny so I just tried the 80mph one on her.....she laughed! Then I asked how fast in mph would we be going if we were travelling at 2 miles a minute?.... after a few guesses of 2...then 1...then...?? I gave in and told her! then my beloved asked me where we keep the hoover ????? I am stumped! 1 all then...
I just asked L the question "come on then smart arse, What is Schrodinger's Cat" After eventually lifted my head off the table and finished the slow head shake and explained in smaller words than Kens spot on explanation she said " How the fcuk would I know that, I bred dogs" Is it just me or is the world dumbing (yes I know that is not a good word) down.
There is hope after all. Jeanette guessed 'an hour' immediately. The current rate of VAT may stump her but the new 1000rr.co.uk IQ question didn't stump her for a second. Interesting how Mr h describes his good lady as Jeanette quite often introduces me as her first husband. Lambeth, the Hoover is in the cupboard. It may or may not be alive. Just looking into the cupboard to see could change that fact. For this reason alone, its best you don't go looking for it.
In L's defence she also stated an hour but by then it was far too late I was lost in the “How the fcuk would I know that, I bred dogs" to care less.
