The whole thing is moot anyway since I proved that a cat in a box doesn't exist in one of two states but three, the very first time I took Bert to the vet. It turns out they can be: A) Alive B) Dead or C) bloody furious
I am going nowhere near this cupboard thing of which you speak! It sounds like a gateway to some sort of horror film. I really shouldn't get this scared this close to my bedtime.
A couple came up today. First of all, I spent the morning with a client, sat at my desk and after a while he clocked my screensaver and said "have you got a FireBlade?" "Yes". I said. "Answer me this then. Why is it that FireBlade riders all seem to think they're superior to other bikers" The room went very quiet and I could see my bosses wife watching me over the top of her monitor. I turned around on my chair and said "The evidence, mate".
Driving over the bridge this morning spanning, what was, the river Exe but what we now call Lake Exminster, my beloved turned to me and said: "It's all the creatures that live on the riverbank I feel sorry for. The moles, guinea pigs and hamsters."
Julie n me sitting watching news and Leeds reporter was saying it was snowing hard.I piped up that I used to live there as a kid.She looked at the telly and said " from that scenery with that wind direction, do you think that snows coming our way? What way is the camera facing ??Fuck me I left there when I was 4!!
This mornings effort as we sat in the queue to enter the city, watching an A320 climb out and bank across the estuary on it's way to foreign climes was: "Aren't they low when they first take off..."
I worked for a short time for a logistics company and we had to post some wheels with tyres on.. they weighed just over the limit and whilst we were pondering whether to risk it or not one of the girls turned round and said.. 'What about if we let the air out?'
Just before Christmas the girls at where my better half works were discussing Aldi's three bird roast, the deputy manageress piped up " is that beef,pork and lamb "
Technically.....I suppose....she was correct anyway. Most of the statements on here that we're ripping the piss out of are ( except the guinea pig one, obviously). Still. Funny as fcuk though.
Just in the car coming home with the wife and kids. A woman in a scenic a few cars in front at the lights. She had a few dents in her car and the wife commented "bloody women drivers". That was not the funny bit. the fact her rear door had been hit and for the wife to say to me "look's like she likes her back doors smashed in". I just pee'ed myself
True story this .... A work collegues sister (Kate) was on business over in the states and was staying in rather a swanky hotel. One evening from her room which was on a high floor she caught the elevator down. She was on her own in the lift.... the lift slowed, something went 'ping' and the doors slowly opened. In walked 4 big black guys all with shades and hats on.... "Hit the floor" a gruff voice said... Immediately Kate flung herself to the floor, face down, petrified, shaking & wimpering !! There was silence in the lift and it took an age to eventually come to a halt. As it did, it went 'ping' again and the doors slowly opened.. just as this happened the four guys who had been bottling this up absolutely pissed themselves laughing, banging the floor in hysterics! "Lady, I meant hit the 'floor' button"...... and they all just dissapeared laughing and giggling while Kate brushed herself down, gathered herself and tried to regain some dignity. A couple of days later when she finally went to check out, the receptionist handed her an envelope, she opened & read it.... it went something like this... "Lady, I can only apologies for the other day in the lift when you hit the floor, we did not mean to scare you, however, it was one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. To express my thanks I have decided to settle your complete bill" Thankyou again - Eddie Murphy.... xxx
