Youngest had been talking non-stop in the car for ages. Eventually we asked her if she was ever going to be quiet. After a few moments she piped up with "I can't help it if I was born gobby!!!"
Bert has just come indoors from his favourite sunbathing spot and J said to him "Have you come in because the sun's gone out?" I only just resisted the urge to look up.
My mates two kids, a girl and a boy, aged 5 and 6, were playing 'mummys and daddys'. Boy: i'll go outside and then come in, we'll pretend i've just come in from work. So out he goes and re appears 2 minutes later, opening the door he says 'i'm home love, and before you start i've only had 2 pints!'
We have a work experience student with us at work for the week. I've just had to nip out to see a couple of customers in the city and asked her if she'd like to ride along. Watching her askance from the corner of my eye looking a bit fretful at the Ken driving around town mentality of, well, really a bit like riding the bike around town, I suppose. Squeaking through a set of lights just as they began to turn orange, I told her, "Don't worry, I've lived in this city for 53 years. I think I've earned the right to park where and drive how I like." I was only joking, honest. Completely dead pan she came back with "Where did you live before?" I'm so depressed...
This will properly only work with Landaners. Try saying ' the old kent road' without wriggling your shoulders. I will try it out on Long Pants when I meet him later to supply him his smoked garlic fix.
The Job waiting for us on night shift, check the Lux /light levels on northbound and southbound passanger tram stops. 73 stops in total five readings each one, spread over 11 miles. My driver said, Fcukin hell, that's a lot of readings to get in, what if we don't get them all done? Do we get the day shift to finish them off? I tell ya, I'm sure a little bit of wee came out I laughed that hard!
While in bognor one girl said to me I love your irish accent....say something else in irish! To which I replied, my glass needs a top up :s
I just had a phone call from a lady with obvious panic in her voice asking if we sold 35mm film. "Yes, madam, we do" "Oh, thank god. It's not for me, it's for my daughter, it was submissions week last week for her college course and she doesn't have enough work to fill the space and now she has to do more and she needs to shoot it and manipulate it and print it and mount it and she's already a week late!" "That's fine, madam we have all types here. Do you want colour or black & white?" "What? I didn't know there were different types!.....Colour, I suppose." "Okay. Colour negative or transparency?" "What? What does that mean? What's a transparency?" "A transparency gives you a positive image to be viewed on a light box or projected, a negative needs to be printed." "Okay, okay, I have the one to make prints." "Right. Do you want 100 ISO, 200 ISO or 400 ISO?" "What! I really don't know what that means?" "Okay, maybe it might be easier if I just spoke to your daughter..." "Oh no, she's still in bed, I'd need to wake her up." !
Just discussing the costs involved in the last week with Jeanette. Car serviced and MOT'd and taxed and insured. Bike MOT'd and taxed and insured. Cat MOT'd and insured (more than the fecking Blade too). Petrol in both cars over a hundred quid and this morning's weekly shop, just for the two of us another hundred and fifty. Added to this, a close friend just gave birth to a daughter and, of course, the social convention is to buy a little gift to welcome the mite into the world, so Jeanette bought the infant a few........Growbags... As I peered up at her over he bridge of my glasses with my eyebrows matting together she said... "Do I mean baby grows?" We don't have children... ...just as well...
working on a creator....... local doing special burns( really big people)....... "i wonder why people agree to this for this it must hurt!!" after point out the the sign up i just must test one really big person on every new build......." yer but it must hurt"
was showing a few english lads around the antrim coast and we popped into a cafe along the way for a break.The cafe was quite empty as the big tourist boom hasnt started yet. you sit along the counter with your coffee and of course we got chatting to the 70 odd year old woman that owns the shop. with the topic of no tourists in mind one of the lads innocently asks "I bet you get rammed in the summer" to which another quick witted fellow adds "if thats not too much of a personal question" problem is we cant walk away laughing as we are sitting at the counter. the 20 something girl at the till had to run away sniggering.
you can imagine trying to keep a straight face and drink coffee while that is going on.The same fella was out on the stag weekend I was just on and the one liners were epic, most of us had lost our voices by monday from all the laughing.
One-liners like that get me every time. Still getting some odd looks at Costa cos I keep snorting and giggling. I'm going to tell everyone this one and pass it off as my own. I don't have any shame that way thankfully.
lmao well we do borrow the one liners for our own pleasure, look it as passing on a happy moment for someone else to enjoy.
J just picked up the new MOT and last years and pointed out, with raised eyebrow mentioned how few miles there were between them. Fair enough, if you don't like it, kiss goodbye to my lardy arse every sunny weekend from now on.
