Nice day so went for a "steady" ride around the North Yorkshire moors. Nothing mad, just nicely hopping in and out of trafic, But the roads were busier than normal today due to bank holiday, so far more cars to pass, and it got me thinking, how bad some car drivers are, but I don't think they know it.... I can now sterotype some as below from today's experience, How many can you name......? The Thinker - your sat behind him quite content and he thinks he's helping if he pulls over to the side, now this is a skill that can help a rider and without training can be a pain in the arse, especially if at point of bend, chevrons, double lines or something coming the other way on a narrow road. Normally gets frustrated thinking he's helping, to a point he pulled that far off road he sent a plume of dust in the air. The Braker -totally in their own world you have followed them for the last mile and for the first time in 15 mins they look in mirror, see a bike headlight and slows right down or even brakes for no apparent reason, thinking it helps me (not to be confused with the emergency Braker) The Racer - Easily spotted as normally a Rover, Corsa or in this instance some old Triumph from the70's. ever the opportunist, see's you behind and thinks I can race this. Can suddenly drive irrationally at speed overtaking places unexpected. Easily pissed off by sitting behind with one hand on leg looking like your not even interested and then pass by at the next lot of traffic. Have we anymore ?
THE TOSSER! Someone who clearly doesn't like bikes, and sits right on the white line making it trickier for you to pass in traffic ! So tempted to knock their mirror off as I pass!!
I haven't given them a name but I never trust anyone who feels the need to wear a hat whilst driving, this covers two main groups; Elderly rover 75 drivers whose car is immaculate, having been owned by them since new, serviced and maintained by an overpriced dealer totally in accordance with the service/owners manual - usually on their way to visit an equally elderly friend or relative, preferably on a Sunday, never speeds, never in fact reaches the speed limit, also feels the need to wear a coat, sensible tweed usually, fully buttoned up in an attempt to restrict any movement left after the arthritis has kicked in, hands always at ten to two in full push pull mode, learnt to drive whilst doing national service or similar in a Bedford truck and will take every opportunity to tell you this fact. Only looks in the wing mirrors to scowl at you as you sit in the overtaking position, and frequently wags a finger as you pass by. Oblivious to the lengthening queue of vehicles that build up behind them as they trundle to garden centre or national trust property of choice that day. Young adult males (although increasingly females as well) whose name can usually be shortened to end with a Z eg Daz, Baz, Shaz etc. usually found in either Corsas, Astras, old golfs or similar pre owned potential hot hatchback although they are usually in a base model which has been cleverly modified on a shoestring budget to replicate nothing like the Gti version by the addition of a piece of scaffolding pipe on the exhaust, a layer of black cling film on every window to reduce visibility and improve stealth handling characteristics, a selection of McDonald's happy meal toys tied to the bumper to indicate their status level amongst fellow max power subscribers, a selection of humorous often mildly misogynistic window stickers they bought on a trip to Max Power LIVE!!! at the NEC, and an overwhelming fondness for early 90's drum n' bass and mid 00's Dutch happy house cd's. They are all deeply spiritual people and pimping their ride in this manner gives them the ability to channel the spirit of Colin McCrea through the medium of handbrake turns in B&Q on a Sunday evening. They will flee the scene of a hit and run leaving you in a ditch because remaining there would involve the presence of the Babylon and highlight the fact that they are never insured, unless its on their uncle Terry's trade policy cos he is a bit shady like, ya know what I mean like? , and isn't actually a car dealer, because he's never worked a day in his life, and when Baz, Daz, whatever grows up he's going to go work for uncle terry because he is sorted and knows the score man. They will park up in McDonald's / B&Q / TK MAXX etc car parks and compare exhaust notes, the latest window stickers and watch YouTube videos on their smartphone what they bought from a mate of uncle terry for a tenner, and will leave inane comments about having a better education than Americans. I don't like black range rover sports either.
Always look through the rear screen if you see a big set of ears than you know its a biffer and they just dont ''get it''
lol... all of the above. plus 'The Middle-Aged Exec Frustrated Wannabe Biker'... drives a reasonably nice company car, usually Audi A4 or A5 3.0 tdi sport, but thinks its the pinnacle of automotive engineering. On the commute home from another frustrating and uninspiring day in the office one of us Sportsbikes appears in the rear view mirror. Wanting to prove that he's not missing out by never fulfilling his half-dream of owning such a machine, he proceeds to hit the gas, resulting in entering every corner way hotter than his euro-box with go-faster stripes can cope with and having to panic-brake constantly. But he thinks he's 'won' as we invariably drop back to avoid going up his chromed exhaust pipes the next time he reaches for the slowdown pedal.
The Bike Washer Yeah that's the tw@t, sees you in the rear mirror, and decides its time to clean the screen. I love the smell of screen wash in the morning
The Mercedes... Changes lanes in front of you, and only indicates half way across). The Audi... Changes lanes without indicating at all. Then shakes his fist and toots because you've gone past him. The BMW R1200GS rider... Sits in the filter lane with his metal encased luggage strapped to the sides of his bike waiting half an hour to filter past. Then rides at 120 to get past you on a straight piece to do it all over again. The Blackbird rider (Could be any arse with a bike that has integrated luggage racks). Sits in the filter lane weaving so you can't get past while waiting 10 km to get past the next car. Acts surprised when you go round the long way and beat him.
The Bint.....in her Fiat 500/Mini......flicking her hair in the mirror,checking her make up texting her mates!
The Blade rider on the A2 this afternoon,Kent bound by the Dartford Heath interchange, driving along in a 50 zone, running around 60 in my car, motorcycle behind keeping steady distance,, steady 3 lanes of moving vehicles, then seeing the weaving lights from lane 1 to 3 and back approaching very fast, went past me in excess of 3 figures.......in lane 1.....no wonder car drivers tend to hate us. So if your out there GU12xxx, doing us all no favours bud.
The flasher, some ass who flashes his lights at you because your out having fun, therefore causing you to slow down to 60mph for the next few miles incase there is a copper just ahead
however i must say, i have a fun encounter with a bint in mini doing her make up could see right down her top........... got flashed and a cheeky wave....... and the rest we can say is history...... or not to be admitted to
They're all just a fookin hazard to be coped with. I see em all as 'overtaking opportunities'. Nothing beats coming up to the end of double whites and zippin round a few motors/trucks in the 'impossibly' short distance before they start again. Round here we get miles of double whites with the occasional 100yards of broken. The only chance you've got of getting past a cage is on a so-called hyper bike. Sometimes, the broken whites are that short I think the folk who plan the linage are just taking the piss.
The "I've driven past the house I am supposed to visit so I am going to reverse down the road weaving across both lanes just after a bend" bloke.
I am a female driver but my efin god I hate women drivers ok not all of them but the ones that tend to be under 25 years old bloody idiots that haven't a clue lol the young girl today who saw me in her mirror ( well done for that girlie ) then crapped herself and braked hard to reduce her speed from 60 to 30 mph arghhhhh my thoughts were WTF oh and the young lady in the fiat 500,,,, champion she was . 2 lanes coming up to roundabout her in left me in right , narrow lanes so no room to filter well not enough without being too cheeky .. I am at the side of her and off she goes straying over to my lane I am looking straight at her viola she texting hmmmm so blipped throttle a little, she dropped her phone and whacked her hands on horn , screaming at me that I was dangerous errrrmmm excuse me I aint the one drifting lanes and texting ffs ... she wound her window down to shout at me again I never said a word she called me a wanker eh !!! so I sat up showing her a pair of assets her chin dropped hmmmmm and her ears rung as I did more than blip the throttle second time her ears must have rung for ages cheeky cow lol
