J has just said to me "Why doesn't Marquez have a little wheel on each elbow?" I turned to her to laugh derisively and thought..."Hang on..."
Mrs Longshanks said to me "You never take the initiative to plan things together with me." Sensing a window of opportunity I said "Well, the bike needs some modifications." Which apparently isn't the sort of thing she meant.
Funny that Alex. j once said to me "why do you never make any of the major decisions around here?". "To save me having to change my mind." Was the obvious, though unwelcome, answer.
So, last evening we're both in the back garden while I'm bolting together yet another piece of garden furniture (We now have more places to sit outside than the Millennium Stadium with a broken roof). Our neighbour, a very respectable lady of breeding and good education is speaking on the telephone, just the other side of a, thankfully, opaque laurel hedge. Suddenly, her voice rises in pitch and volume and she demands of whoever is on the other line "Get me the manager!", then immediately afterwards repeats in the same tone, "Get me the manager!", then again, "Get me the manager!" "Get me the manager!" "Get me the manager!" over and over for a couple of minutes. Then she breaks her Jerry McGuire rant to exclaim "I think I could out f**K you anytime, young lady!" Now, I can't help but feel that this was a response to the person on the other end swearing at the neighbour and the neighbour, unthinkingly, responding in an ill worded sentence, but even so, the alternative is an image I will carry to the grave, but not in a good way. This outburst was instantly followed by several more choruses of "Get me the manager!" before, and really bizarrely, she starts to blow a referee's whistle down the mouthpiece...! WTF! By now Jeanette is displaying control over her pelvic floor constrictions that would have Kerry Ketona's living room awash. However, it was the denouement of the event that pushed her over the edge, when after hanging up, the neighbour stormed into her house and, still in her outdoor voice announced very poshly to her husband "She called me a f*****g c**t, Robert!" Cue Jeanette sprinting into the house with her hands between her legs.
i came home from being away watching bike racing one weekend and was asking the wife if all was good,yes she said but i didnt give the dog the worming pills like you asked me to. why not i asked as said dog had been ass draggin for a couple of days,the response was that i had not left her any rubber gloves what the hell for i asked you only had to put them in her food! oh she replied i thought they were supositries poor mutt never knew how close a call she had
My 3yr olds pre school had a parents evening (our first one) they have a kind of scrap book for each child which they put photos, paintings etc in for us to look through while waiting to talk to the teachers, they also write comments the children say regularly or that they think must mean something at home (even if sounds like complete crap) We found this comment quite amusing.
My mate sold his 600 bandit the other day with a very honest description etc, ok he didn't mention there wasn't a stamped service book but didn't say there was. Anyway the bloke turned up to pick it up and was happy with the big pile of receipts from the self servicing my mate had done but refused to complete the sale as there wasn't enough paperwork to completely verify the mileage as a few mots missing. My mates exact reaction was as bellow "I understand where your coming from but your not buying a minter, your buying my winter hack/commuter that I have owned since new! And if I was going to clock the millage why the fek would I clock it to 68k?!?!"
Just found Alex my 4 year old grandson with his finger up his bottom he said "someone was tickling his bum" I think he meant hed a itchy arse.
