Word from the wise please

I know this is not what this forum is for but :

Mrs Freedom is getting a bit of strife from a guy at work her work which has been going on for some months now and is starting to get out of hand and has forced me to cancel my business trip this week. Working in the same industry but a for a different company makes this all the more delicate than me. Marching in and punching his teeth down his throat, I would like to avoid as it will finish my life time work in this business. Much as I would like to do it.

She has done everything possible to try and give this guy the hint but he is not getting the message and has now resorted to on line twitter comments even using her initials which in a small close knit industry would not take a rocket scientist to work out. Her direst boss the CEO is aware of the situation (who is also a personal have a beer after work kind of friend of mine) seems to think it’s quite funny, we assume on the basis that she can handle it. But she can’t and does not know what to do about it.

It came to a head at her belated xams do last week, when he said a few things to another co worker which was passed on to Mrs Freedom, who quite rightly told him to fcuk off and go away and grow up to which she hoped by being so blunt would be the end of it.

Today she told me today that his direct boss told the CEO, that he was concerned that he was going to throw himself in the Thames and had to walk him to his tube station and make sure he got on his train.

OK, the boys amongst us, and some extent I agree with would walk into his office with a baseball bat and end this once and for all. Once upon a time that is what I would be doing tomorrow but I am nearly fifty years old, have some pervious for something similar (all be it 30 years ago) and will for sure lose my job .So would like to find an alternative.

Comments of “don’t be pussy, just do the tosser” are not really what I want to hear. I would just like a bit of impartial advice for both of us on ideas on how to defuse the situation and make this whole thing go away without any need for any violence which will without doubt screw up my pension plans.

Thoughts from the females amongst the forum are also more than welcome as I would like this to end here without any fall out for anyone involved.

Yes I crack a joke about almost everything but for once this time I am not taking the piss.

Benn your comment from a legal “been there done that” experience comment would be most welcome PM if you like pal.

 

Thats not nice for the Mrs at all .. its harrasment end of . Put a formal letter of complaint into the CEO and insist he (or she) takes action within 7 days .
And insist on a formal update of any action taken .

 

Thanks Nutty, yep we know that’s the formal route, but she doesn’t want to take that road just yet.. she has gone to bed in tears and i am getting, having cancelled my trip slowly but surely pissed and more wound up b the minute.

 

Some people can't take no for an answer .. the formal route is the only way .

Or if she can front him up and say .... "it stops NOW or I will make this official ... there will be no more warnings"

But that might not be possible for her ... it would take a lot of inner strength and it sounds like she is on the back foot already .
I used to be a union rep many years ago and this sh1t happens more often than you think .
I would take them to one side and very firmly warn them off .

 

Im guessing he is making advances towards Mrs freedom ? Does he know about you and still chases after her ?

As long as you can control your self then have a word with him so that he is clear to the fact that she is Spoken for

 

Agree with both the above, dan and NT. Would it be possible to force an 'informal' meeting with you, mrs. freedom, the retard and his boss. That way you could tell him politely to feck off with an independant witness, and also tell the idiot if it doesn't stop it WILL get formal.

 

Considering you don't work at the same place then you meeting him with the mrs and boss isn't likely.

Personally, I'd get the mrs to try with the boss one more time and tell her to be as honest as possible to him and clearly explain the negative effect it's having on her home and work life, and if it keeps up it'll seriously start affecting her performance and her attitude to working for a firm that doesn't protect it's employees.

Bosses are selfish - so make it his problem and you'll get a better reaction

If this fails - this is what I'd do but might not be best option - I'd wait for the fella afterwork and follow him home. When he gets there as he is getting out of his car I'd walk over calmly and ask for a quiet word (my bet is he's married / in relationship) so on his ground it'll panic him and show your serious. I'd quiety warn him off and tell him that it has to stop, anymore you'll tell his mrs which will cause him a world of pain and if that if it does continue after that he will see you again on not such pleasant terms.

But that's just me. Like you I'd want to do more, but it really ain't worth it. But I'd bet a considerable amount he'd shit a brick and leave it.

Whichever route ou take mate - hope it pans out! Not good for the mrs at all.

Good luck

 

Mrs Freedom must put her concerns in writing to her boss he then has no option other than to deal with this prick! I have both male and female employee's and it is my responcibility to ensure this type of Harassment has no place in the working environment.

If you PM his name and place of employment I'm sure I can help?

 

Fact is he's not taking the hint and sounds a bit unhinged.

I'd approach work formally and ask them to address it if they fail to do so they leave them selves wide open.

If this isn't done by them contact the police.

I see this all the time, im guessing mrs freedom feels like she's being silly and doesn't want a bug fuss.

Two things, the knobber causing this "may" not know how much it's effecting her and might shock him so get the boss to make it clear exactly how it is effecting her! (I doubt this is the case).

I don't wanna alarm you but it's these exact situations that can turn horribly wrong, this is why we take harassment reports so seriously.

As historically as we all do we play it down and try and rationalise it it's our human nature!

But then (and I'm not trying to upset or alarm anyone) when he sexually assaults, rapes or even murders your mrs, you'd look back and think why didn't I take it more seriously all the signs are their!

I know this may sound dramatic but I'd rather work on the side of caution than risk anything at all like that happening!

The fact is he's "TOYALLY" out of order and does deserve his teeth putting down his throat, you like me find your self in a position I find myself in weekly, you have to much to loose so you need to use your head not your heart.

Make a formal report at work but get your mrs(go with her if it helps) to talk to her CEO, let her cry her eyes out he needs to see how serious it is to her and you and how it's upsetting you both.

If they don't act get the police involved, and remember if it goes that way he's the one that's caused the situation not you or your mrs, and if it goes down the police route again her boss has caused that situation by not acting on your wishes!

It doesn't matter how silly or "innocent" something may seem they should be victim led(your wife) if it means so much to her that's all that matters!

Get it sorted before it goes to Far.

Good luck

 

As an ex-MD with over 400 staff I can assure you this cropped up on more than one occasion, and the only way to deal with it is formally as NT and others have said. That puts it firmly into the CEO's domain and he/she must deal with it. The first step I would have taken would be a full investigation, with a possible suspension during that investigation. Trying to deal with this yourself will only end up aggravating the situation. My twopenneth, best of luck chap.

JD

 

Thanks everyone for your comments and advise.

I really shouldn’t drink so much on a school day either that or some joker has moved all the keys around on my keyboard this morning.

He is not making any direct sexual advances. It’s more a, I want to be your best friend and why won’t you let me kind of thing.

I know the man. He was in a relationship with one of the other women at her firm who was screwing around behind his back and in the end dumped him and went back to her ex husband, he then went back to his old girlfriend (interestingly no one has meet or seen his old girlfriend ever, so it makes you wonder if she even exists) since then he has been moping around telling everyone “why doesn’t anyone like me” sort of thing. Mrs Freedom took him under her wing and that’s when it all started, slowly at first, then texts late at night. We just thought he was a bit lonely; I even took him out for a drink one evening at the end of which he burst into tears about his life. I can tell you I have never left a pub so fast in my life. After which Mrs Freedom decided to distance herself from him.

It all came to a head just be before Christmas when he asked her to go for a drink and she said no. That’s when the twitter comments and whispering around the office started. What he also didn’t know was that her boss the CEO reads his twitter posts as he is very politically minded and a good source of knowledge. CEO told Mrs Freedom about the comments and it was treated as a bit of joke to start with.

We think he is just a sad little man who has latched onto her and it’s turned into a bit of a fixation.

I am going to go to her office this week and have an informal chat with her boss and see what his thoughts are. I think he just see’s it as a bit of a harmless fun and that the Mrs can handle it herself.

I might even invite the little shit for a quick pint and have a polite word in his ear.

If all fails it’s the formal route or they will be dragging a body out of the Thames estuary and I will be looking for an alibi.

 

FOC

I admire your decision to go public on a personal issue affecting both your wife and yourself - it must be sufficiently bad and having a significant impact on your lives for you to reach this point. A brave move. Not knowing any of the parties involved, yourself included, simplifies things a little as it allows complete impartiality.

My concern is that you are (were) drinking while typing this thread. I don't blame you for this as some of us benefit from a beer or two at times of stress (myself included). However, in my experience very little good comes from approaching or confronting problems in this way. I can tell from your 'appeal' that you are generally well balanced and recognise that resorting violence isn't the solution.

Having read your appeal it does make interesting reading, but it also poses lots of questions that generally speaking would need to be answered to enable proper and sound advice to be given. I'm not going to ask you to expose your private life further. My ultimate advice would be dependant on understanding the full picture
I am having to assume that:
1. Your wife's co-worker is making unwanted 'personal advances'
2. This has been an ongoing problem for a significant amount of time.
3. In a hierarchical order the co-worker is junior to your wife in the company structure (his immediate boss reports to your wife's immediate boss, the CEO).
4. The co-worker may have an infatuation if wanting to 'throw himself in the river' is linked in any way to the situation with your wife. (bit of a concern)
5. The co-worker's unhealthy interest in your wife is already common knowledge within the company (Twitter, behaviour at the xmas do, you wife's previous attempts at a resolution and the time the harassment has been going on would make it common knowledge).
6. The CEO has completely misread the seriousness of the situation or has no real understanding on how to deal with it.
7. Informal and private resolution is unlikely to succeed.

The questions I have are:
1 It would be nice to know a bit more about the company structure, including their HR capability and staff support provisions. Both these could play a key role in helping to resolve the situation (NT touched on this and I acknowledge that you don't want this yet).
2. Does your wife have any line management responsibility for the co-worker?
3. Do they work in the same office?
4. Is their professional relationship inter-dependent and essential to their roles? (must they work together?)
5. Does the co-worker know your wife is a married woman?
6. Is the co-worker married / in a relationship?
7. What more do you know about the co-worker? (personal circumstances, personality, habits and interests etc.). All these things will help you understand the type of man you are dealing with, his motivation and any threat he may pose to your wife and indeed the company.
8. What exactly has your wife done to resolve this problem? You mention she told him to fcuk off etc. What else has she done? has anyone acted as an intermediary? (mutual friends for example?)
9. Has your wife told you the full extent of the harassment or has she been holding things back to protect you?
10. Exactly how long has the harassment been going on?

If you don't want to make the complaint official within your wife's company, have you considered getting the police involved? I say this for two main reasons:
1. The police can act on the full facts if disclosed by your wife using protection from harassment legislation. This can be done without company involvement. It would rely on sufficient evidence being in existence and that it is made available to them (the police). in other words, the source of the evidence does not come from the company per say - a witness acting a a private person for instance.
2. The police investigation would include an assessment of the threat the co-worker poses to your wife as this would involve various checks ie. convictions and intelligence reports. (has he done this to other women and if so what level of threat is he). For me this is the most important factor in all of this. I don't want to make you worry unnecessarily, but I'd want to reassure myself that this is nothing more than an 'innocent infatuation' by a man who poses no real threat to her. The suicide threat / concern highlighted does scare me a bit. The police route is probably the only way this could be established.

The police action could range from
1. No further Action being taken (post initial investigation / assessment)
2. A 1st Instance Harassment Warning being issued. This is a letter instructing the co-worker to stay away and to stop the behaviour considered to be harassment
3. The arrest of the co-worker. This would only result if the harassment undertaken is considered significant enough to justify arrest. Arrest does not happen as a matter of course.

There are other ways to mitigate the threat posed to your wife and to stop this harassment, but without knowing the full facts and circumstances, including the answers to the questions above, it's not easy to provide other options. The police route is my recommendation, it can be achieved discreetly as the co-worker can be dealt with outside of the work environment. It would also offer you some reassurance as to the type of individual you are dealing with. That said, the co-workers actions would need to amount to harassment and this has not been disclosed here (for reasons I fully understand)

This is just my initial observation /assessment. Hope this helps...........

If you want to discuss further, please feel free to PM me.

Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck and I hope this situation gets resolved asap for all your sakes

Mick

PS I posted this prior to reading your post above ( we were typing at the same time)

 

Give the Mrs a cuddle from us all.
I would try a letter to the oik first outlining the consequences of continuing the harrassments, I'm sure if he is mature enough he will see sense and apologise remorsefully.The CEO,MD and the personnel manager have a duty of care to their staff whatever their concerns so if the letter fails then the people above her should put a stop to it.I've worked with some idiots,bullies and arrogant people in my time and have always managed to sort them out through the correct procedure.As much as I'd love to have slapped em it does you more harm than good.Good luck with it.

Sorry mate left this on computer and posted after your last comment,still give her a cuddle though.

 

Thank you everyone, the level and depth of responses to this has made me very proud to be a part of this forum. Although in the cold light of day on reflection and without copious amounts of alcohol in my system I don’t think I should have bothered everyone with our problem and for which I apologise.

However the is light at the end of the tunnel:

When she arrived at the office this morning, said person was already in the CEO’s office along with his immediate director. CEO later came to her office, shut the door and told her that it was now over, and if it wasn’t then more formal action would be taken without delay. CEO also said that during the conversation other issues came out that he didn’t feel should be open to debate but that the “throwing himself in the river” threat was not down to her, he also added that the guy was totally shocked that he had upset her and didn’t even realise that he was being out of order and just needed a friend to talk to and that the was never any sexual intent. They have told him that if he wants help with his issues that they will support him but on the understanding that his behaviour has to change from today. He also asked her if she was happy with the action he had taken or if she wanted to make a formal statement, which she doesn’t.

The guy has been given the rest of the day off to go away and think about his actions and come back tomorrow to discuss how he thinks he should go about sorting out what ever the other issues are and if he needs help then the company will do what they can to assist him.

Hopefully this is an end to it, at least as far as her involvement anyway.

 

Glad that's come to a decent conclusion for you both mate. And that'll be the end of it hopefully.

He sounds like a proper loon.

 

Some good advice their other than mine lol, seems that it's come to a head in the best way.

P.S let us know if he turns up for work tomorrow else someone will need to report him
Missing, maybe start the search in the Thames

 

Benn LoL thats what I said when she called me earlier. Ken cheers pal "mums the word"

 

No need to apologize FOC, if ranting/venting/sharing your problem on here stopped you from knocking his head off & getting yourself into trouble, then it's definitely worth it.

Glad to hear Mrs FOC feels that she has been listened to and has the backing of her CEO mate.

Some people just can't handle rejection & go about things in very strange ways, it sounds like the guy needs some professional help with some issues in his life.