[/IMG] [/IMG] The Annual Florida Vs Glasgow Belly Button Jewellery contest .And the Winner is Florida with a very close second Glasgow.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Jan and I went into town to do a bit of shopping. When we came out of one of the shops, there was a traffic warden writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, chap, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an “ar*eh*le” . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So Jan called him a “s**t head”. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age. JD
Sunlife over 50 plan, "Nothing can prepare you for losing a loved one" You've obviously never lost your Internet connection half way through your bed time wank.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop… The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, took the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running."
The wife asked me to write a poem to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. I really tried but couldn't think of anything that rhymed with 'you've fcuking ruined my life'. Statistics show you have more chance of dropping dead while putting the lottery on than actually winning it. That is why I send the wife. Win win.
Man Law; Some out takes; 21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day. 34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships. 58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway. Urban Dictionary: Man Laws
Whilst out for a night Sinking shorts washed down with a pint Meet a right looking Yorkshire lass Local girl with no class Not long before we kissed Didn’t realise I was that pissed It has to be said Full of hope and love we wed From my bike I did fall When I clattered a wall Whilst lying in bed Someone’s robbed the shed Around the house I just lerk Because of no work Can it get any worse You might hear me curse Then wham out the blue I never had a clue Only married one year ago And she’s asking me to go Despite my bad back She don’t want me back You’ve fucking ruined my life Now where’s that carving knife
