Following on from our successful foray into Primal Scream Therapy with our recent rant threads, I thought it was germane to the general mood surrounding 1000rr.co.uk currently, to flex my muscles in my twin specialities of being both a smartarse and a nosey bastard and starting an agony aunt thread so that members can both vent their spleen and benefit from the largesse of my opinion. So feel free to rant or confess here. I promise nobody else will ever know.
Dear Ken, I have a problem with premature ejaculation, obviously I will not put my name here as that would just be embarrassing ! Can you help me ? JC
Dear Ken, try as I might to resist I believe I am falling in love with you, I also think I love Arthur and Craig because they know so much about bikes. I don't love them as much as you though Ken, you are SPECIAL. Is this love normal ?, what should I do about it ? should i tell my Mrs ? or should I just keep it quiet, you know just between us two ?
I understand perfectly Jamie and your secret is safe. I would suggest you look here. Erectile Dysfunction (Impotence) - NHS Choices The NHS Erectile Dysfunction webpage. With practice you may be able to integrate a certain amount of erectile dysfunction into you lovemaking and eventually be able to balance the two symptons sufficiently to enjoy the completely normal barely adequate sex life most married men do. As a stop gap however, I suggest you just keep your hands out of your bloody pockets. Kind Regards Auntie Ken
Dear Ken, I recently, in an attempt to be humorous wrote a fake agony aunt thread, although it was hilarious (for me) I feel bad for wasting this persons time, he is a high flying professional with little or no time for himself who just wants to help others, he has a kind heart (although secretly I think he just gets off on other peoples misery) and I took advantage of his good nature for a cheap laugh. What should I do ? JC
Dear Ken, I wonder if you could help. I am a member of a motorcycle forum and find I am easily swayed by a certain member into impulse purchases. All of my money seems to go on purchases for my bike. Every time think I am finished with my purchases he buys something else and I feel compelled to follow. What should I do?
Dear Nige... Can I call you Nige? This is understandable and perfectly normal because I'm lovely. Feel free to tell the world of your love that dare not speak it's name. I'm afraid it will have remain unrequited as, unlike yourself, I'm not a flaming player of the pink oboe. Kind regards Auntie Ken
Dear JC I feel the best thing you can do is send a cheque made out to "kensbeerfund" for £1000 to him immediately as some form of recompense. Kind regards Auntie Ken
So much good advice Auntie Ken. You must feel very proud to be able to help the on-line community. Keep up the good work.
Dear Steve In order to protect what money you have left may I suggest you send a cheque made out to "kensbeerfund" containing all of your surplus and send it care of the forum site where it can be taken care of safe from the voices in Jamie's head. Kind Regards Auntie Ken
Dear Auntie Ken. I have been dressing up in Mums clothes for the past 11 years now and although Dad at first shown no interest he now seems to find time to take me to the pictures and has bought me a wig ,however this is not a problem ,my little issue is that my pet Hamster seems to have gone of his feed now for two days (is this normal)?
Dear Givover First things first. Take a sniff of your hamster. If you perceive the musky, sawdusty odour of the normal rodent nest during hibernation then don't worry. The recent unseasonal weather has just confused his little body clock. If however, he smells like a cross between a turkish wrestler's jockstrap and three week old road kill and he bounces when you throw him on the floor, you will need to gird yourself for some unfortunate news. May I also suggest, should you have to find yourself a new playmate that you accessorise him up with a Frotting mask, available from all good bestiality pet shop stores. Kind regards Auntie Ken
Thanks for the good advice Auntie. I didn't think I had mentioned Jamie by name, but yes, it is that bad man. I seem to notice a trend appearing in the "kensbeerfund". Is this a registered charity?
Ken I am very upset and depressed, the main reason for this is that Exfire does not love me and he didn't even mention me in his post to "Aunty Ken" I don't know what to do, or where to turn.
Dear Villan I understand how devastated you must feel at the moment. The low self esteem, the crushing weight of self loathing, the complete lack of motivation to carry on. But the truth hurts. And I think you should learn a valuable lesson from this and consider "Exit" as your next call. Kind regards Auntie Ken
Dear Rob The solution is simple. The left hand lamp sconce is wonky, disrupting the feng shui and harshing your vibe. Straighten it and replace the white electrical flex with something that matches the wallpaper better and you'll be able to relax more naturally. Breathe slowly and deeply and remember, he's probably more afraid of you than you are of him. Then I think you'll begin to find the rooms well worth the cost. Kind regards Auntie Ken
