Dear Auntie Ken. Perhaps my fellow readers are unaware of this? But I help out at a well know firstaid training Center. I along with another bloke "Dave" travel around the country demonstrating first aid skills. Usually, I play the victim and have bandages, splints etc placed about my person, my problem is this. When in Role play and I play the victim whom is choking, "Dave" gets behind me and demonstrates the Heimlich Manoeuvre , the problem is whilst he's doing this I feel something hard and bottle shaped pressing into my backside. Should I accuse him of secret drinking?
Dear Gary Before you cross a line and accuse Dave of something you may not be able to retract, perhaps you should explore the possiblility that he's just 'carrying a torch' for you and that my, indeed be what you are feeling when he dry humps your arse. Kind regards Auntie Ken
Dear Aunti Ken. You can call me Nige, but Nigey Baby would feel so much closer. I am distraught you do not feel the same way, but I guess I shall have to learn to live with my secret love. There are plenty more Aunty Ken's in the world I know, but like I said ' You are SPECIAL'. I am sure I am not alone and that many of your readers wait with baited breath for your words of wisdom. Keep up the good work Aunty Ken, we all love you..........especially Blaggers.
Dear Ken, I joined the Navy to see the world... I have seen it all now, My question is how the f uck do I get out ? P.O Laris, Weapons Officer
Dear Petty Officer Laris My advice to you would be to marry my sister. She will have you out of there faster than a rat up an aquaduct. Of course then you'd have to find a way to get away from her... Kind regards Auntie Ken
Dear Auntie Ken, Since owning my Fireblade I keep smiling every time I look at her. When we go out together the time just goes so fast and we have such a great time. I have had many other bikes but I really can't compare them to her. I just want to ride her all the time ,Is this normal ?
Dear Nigey Baby For you, yes, this is normal. Any body else you know who admits to similar feelings should be rounded up and placed in a virtual reality holding site. A bit like this one. Kind regards Auntie Ken
Dear Auntie Ken, Ive noticed some thing peculiar when i'm riding my bike, most of the time I'm just happily bimberling along in my own little world.However this all changes when a little shit in a clapped out yellow car comes thundering up behind me.Before i know it my heads down my arse is up and i'm going for total humiliation.I even slow down to let them catch up so i can do it again.Do i have a problem. Many thanks Ash.
Dear Ash Not as big a problem as the little shit in the clapped out yellow car does. What we have here is an iteration of the classic 'short bloke' syndrome, where despite an obvious disadvantage, said little shit will still insist on proving he has bigger balls than you regardless of your obvious superiority. It is vital for your self esteem that you continue to go for total humiliation, purely for the sense of well being it bestows upon you. You might even like to try a slightly different but, in the eye's of little shits, even more cruel, twist of perhaps allowing him to pull up beside you and then removing your helmet, in order to show him that you're dishing out this humiliation with the aid of no balls whatsover. Kind regards Auntie Ken
Thank you so much for your advice, So just to clarify, your basically saying, its Friday, so go to the pub and get utterley hammered. Go the casino, then spearmint Rhino, then get a curry on the way home. Wake up tomorrow in a pool of vomit in someones garden and then, and only then exfire will love me?
You see Villan, we all are aware of the solutions to our own problems. All we need is a little push to realise that we all have it within us to heal ourselves. Sorry about the delay. Even I have to see customers sometimes.
Dear ken there is an evil phycotic murderer on the loose around yorkshire. please can you fix it for our whole community as everybody (me included are rather worried)
You didn't ask me for any advice, you wanted me to be the caped crusader. That's why we've got Bats. I work and slave my fingers to the bone to try and make your lives better, day in, day out, slime in this ear, slime in that ear. Want, want , want is all I ever get. What about me, what about my needs and my problems. Who cares? Nobody cares that's who. I'm just a bloody skivvy, picking up behind everybody's emotional detritus...........................sigh............
Dear Auntie Ken, Will you please tell fez.57 that the psychotic murder is now on a killing spree in Scarborough and now heading our way. I'm not worried at all. Ash.
