1. You can afford to buy a house there. The average house price in Yorkshire is £113,000, less than half the £396,000 London average. Well I bought a house here, paid £250K 11 years ago, now worth nearly half a mil more than that 2. Asking prices for houses in London have gone up by 41% since 2007, while in the North West they have declined 8.8%. Great (see above)...and why is this, because people want to live here, whereas those unfortunate enough to have been born in the NW don't! (well those with any sense) 3. Meanwhile, a new pub in Stockon-on-Tees serves half-pints for £1 and pints for £1.50 (though not everyone thinks this is a good thing). £1 for a half, £1.50 for a pint? So I suppose only an uneducated northerner would be stupid enough to buy a half pint then, or is that all you can afford? 4. Like in a documentary from the 1970s, there are pubs in the North you can go to with £10 and have a half-decent night. yes I'm sure it is like the 1970's up there, you think that's a good thing do you? 5. And the beer is served with a proper foam head on it, not some insipid Southern dribble. is this some bitter versus lager comment? Pubs here serve beers from all over the UK and the world, if you want an ale order one 6. Northerners might have to sit down to read this, but there are pubs in London that charge in excess of £5 a pint. and??? if you don't want to pay that, drink in one that doesn't 7. Even shit pubs in cities such as Liverpool, Leeds, and Manchester still feel welcoming. BS, well I've never been to Leeds but as for Liverpool and Manchester, though there were no shortage of shit pubs, none were the least bit welcoming 8. You can (usually) get a taxi from the outskirts of a Northern city to the centre for around a tenner. You would take out a bank loan to do the equivalent in London. if you had to live in the outskirts of a northern city I should imagine you would need a bank loan for a tenner 9. Cars stop to let you cross the road. Weird, I know! and you need cars to stop for you in order to cross the road? 10. You’re not expected to give a “cheers mate” thumbs-up to drivers who stop at a zebra crossing after waiting 14 minutes for someone to let you past. GOK where you got that idea but I would consider a nod of recognition to be good manners and it doesn't cost anything does it (You'll like the last part!) 11. Cars don’t beep at each other all the time just for being on the same bit of road for some length of time. I don't like the excessive/unnecessary use of horns but having seen how they do this in other countries around the world I realise there is very little of this in London (or anywhere else in the UK) But of course on your poultry northern salary you haven't been able to holiday anywhere further afield than Bournemouth 12. People will TALK TO YOU in shops, in pubs, and on buses and not just to steal your phone. and if you are in anyway representative this is not a good thing! 13. In some parts, like Leeds and Sheffield, men AND women call one another “love” without it being weird. Love! how crass but then again it's that backward 1970's thing again isn't it 14. Pies. what's that then?? 15. As in, proper pies, like meat and potato ones, which are widely available. Or just a simple meat pie (Growler). No one in London knows what this is. LOL, isn't a growler an unshaven ladies nether region 1970's AGAIN!!! (I'm beginning to think it's the modern world you don't like) 16. Nobody looks at you strangely if you insist on having gravy with most meals. LMAO. Seriously have you ever eaten anything without Ketchup or gravy since you stopped sucking on your mother's teet (assuming you have) 17. It’s OK to be passionate about black pudding. Had you travelled or eaten anywhere other than the local chip shop and greasy spoon you'd know Morcella makes black pudding a fried scab by comparison 18. Fish and chips that a) are nice and b) don’t cost upwards of £10. wouldn't know I don't eat crap deep fried food 19. Black peas or parched peas are a thing (try it when you’re next up there). I should imagine they are "a thing"?? but thankfully I won't be 20. Parkin, one of the world’s great cakes, is sadly elusive outside of Yorkshire/Lancashire. I have no doubt if I wanted one I could get one in London 21. There are great shops like Booths, which are inarguably better than Waitrose, but also prove that there are posh people up north. OK now I've learnt something, I thought posh northerners frequented Morison's 22. There is a natural beauty in all its easily accessible glory, including five national parks: the Lake District, North York Moors, the Yorkshire Dales, Northumberland, and the Peak District. All have a few nice parts but I work and live here and when I want scenery like that I fly there, the Rockies, Alps, Pyrenees, to name but a few, make those places look positively dull and uninspiring 23. At the last count, there were approximately ZERO national parks in London and the South East (OK there’s the South Downs in Sussex, and that’s quite nice, but still: the North wins). see above 24. They might have seen better days, but the North has proper seaside resorts like Southport, Morecambe, Whitby, and Scarborough. ROFLMFAO, Thailand, Hawaii, Sumatra......... (last few places I've been) need I say more? 25. Unlike the vast majority of the South, the North is not flat. At the top of our hills there are stunning views, as opposed to a Costcutter or something. see 22 26. It is teeming with wildlife. On the east and north Yorkshire coasts, like at Bempton Cliffs, you can see puffins — yes PUFFINS — as well as seals and the occasional porpoise. OMG, you want to live in a cold, miserable, cultural wasteland so you can see puffins! 27. There’s no point listing all the amazing bands that have come from great Northern cities such as Liverpool, Manchester, Leeds, and Sheffield, because you’re probably already a fan of them. ..... and where did they all move to once they could afford it 28. There are more independent cinemas and film festivals in the North West, Yorkshire and North East than in London. Your comparing half the north with one city you imbecile. Tell me one city in your precious north with a tenth of London's offerings 29. Manchester’s Hallé is the country’s longest established symphony orchestra, now in its 156th year. ...and maybe with another 156 years practice they might be able to hold a candle to the LSO 30. Thanks to our mixed up Saxon-Viking heritage, northern counties have far more interesting place-names, like Giggleswick, Mankinholes, Pisser Clough, Slack Bottom, and Ugglebarnby. can't even be bothered to make a list as who cares 30. Of the 12 founding members of the Football League, six were from the North of England. can't really be bothered with soccer 31. Liverpool vs. Everton, Liverpool vs. Manchester United, Manchester City vs. Manchester United, and Newcastle United vs. Sunderland remain some of the biggest occasions in British sport. see above 32. Sheffield has the world’s oldest football club: Sheffield FC. .... 33. Rugby league is clearly a better game than southern rugby union, where the participants keep kicking the ball out for some reason. ugh, rugger buggers, even worse than soccer 34. Pennine towns have been holding brass band contests on Whit Friday for generations. There is nothing more northern than this. seriously, is that what you do up there, brass bands!!! LMFAO 35. Working men’s clubs might be dying out, but we still have club and pub singers. For some of us Phoenix Nights was like a documentary. I don't know whether to laugh at you or cry for you 36. According to one survey, the U.K.’s happiest people live in Yorkshire while the least happy live in London. and was that "one survey" taken in Yorkshire by any chance? 37. The North has proper history: It’s the birthplace of the Industrial Revolution, for a start. er...... that's why it's a dirty shit hole up there 38. The North has many different accents, unlike the South East where people most have one big boring Southern accent. complete BS 39. There are sayings you find nowhere else. “Shin tin” means “the lady of the house is not home,” for example. In Manchester, crying is “skriking”. now that's a reason to sell up and head north isn't it 40. Bolton, Oldham, and Wigan all have discernibly different accents and that’s just Greater Manchester. see above 41. Northerners don’t think snow heralds the arrival of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. yes it's cold and miserable up there, I know, it's just one of many reason I live here 42. There are jobs up North: The BBC has just moved to Salford and big businesses like Sage and Nissan have been up north for ages. yes everyone knows there are no jobs in London, that must be why 20% of all new Graduates move here 43. Pies. sorry what are they? 44. PIES. oh yes, no can't get those anywhere in London for love nor money 45. FUCKING PIES. Just how obese are you?
Fairly punchy for a first post matey......and I thought Froch and Groves was the main event last night
