A golfer was playing an important singles tie one day. With the match all square he approached his drive at the eighteenth only to discover that his ball was sitting nicely but in the middle of a patch of beautiful buttercups. Being an environmentalist keen on conservation, he called to his opponent, "My ball has finished up in the middle of this patch of beautiful buttercups and I'm going to spare them by lifting and dropping it away from them incurring as a result a penalty shot". No sooner had he done so when a voice from the sky was heard: "This is God speaking. I saw how you spared my buttercups and as a reward I am going to give you a year's supply of butter" Golfer thought about it for a second then replied, "Oh, thank you VERY much, God, but where the **** were you yesterday when I was in yon pussy willows!"
On that subject, Tiger Woods was driving through Ireland in his BMW when one of his golf Tee's fell from his sun visor onto his lap while pulling in to a petrol station. When he pulled up at the pump and the attendant asked what that was on his lap, he said "It's a Tee, it's to hold my balls". The pump attendant replied with, "Those clever Germans at BMW think of everything".
