The Menace or to quote its botanical name The Londinium Summerus Commuterium has returned after a longer than normal winter absence. Like the daffodils they have been conspicuous be their absence, unlike daffodils they have not been missed. Now they have flocked to the roads on mass, slightly shakey, ever so slightly slow, but they congregate in a long line for safety and comfort particularly where ever lines of slow or stationary cars appear. Bikes all gleaming from their winter hibernation, rider skills totally absent from sitting on South Eastern trains for the last 5 months. The run in to the Blackwall Tunnel going north is a prime example, this morning a seemingly endless freight train of high end blinged garage queens and cheap Chinese imported scooters all travelling at 15 to 19 mph, feet dabbing in synchronised harmony every time the gap closes between cars to less than 10 feet(that one day will no doubt be an Olympic sport--certain gold for Team GB). I notice something out the corner of my eye, and there on the hard shoulder is a guy on a mountain bike making progress and pulling away from us. I finally managed after a couple of miles to kick and push my way through, the riders cheerily waving and hooting at my superior all year round filtering prowess to find my hero at the front of the queue, 15 mph and feet in near constant contact with terra firma, never seen Valentino on my commute before, maybe he is jet lagged from the weekend, this is one bad boy I cannot pass, all knees and elbows out, gleaming Dianese kit reflecting off the cars paintwork, virgin knee sliders, well he did grind them out on Sunday, maybe I can get an autograph at the lights on the A13. No he slides over into lane 2 in the tunnel...good lad respecting the solid white line, I pull up besides and realise that he is in fact a fat middle aged banker from the City living his dream on his tricked R1, deflated I slide off through the traffic at last free from the lemmings. Guys I know its a free world, but do the winter boys a favour and get back onto South Eastern trains where you belong, its warm, safe and you can still all stand in a line along the crowed carriage if you feel safer, you can even make motorcycle sounds if you want to entertain yourselves. Finally I reach my parking spot 10 minutes later than normal, even though the road is in better condition than at any time in the last 5 months, then I am confronted with row after row of 3 wheeled Piaggio thingies parked in bays clearly marked 'Solo M/Cs only' they are clearly not motorcycles, being as wide as a small car, hopefully the City Corporation will clamp and lift them during the day. Roll on winter only 6 or 7 months away, and we will get our commuting playground back to ourselves.
