Yes of course. I value your counsel. I'm sure it'll be fine PS. You don't know where I could lay my hands on a couple of mirrors for a 2004 Blade do you, Auntie Ken. Only I've just snapped mine off
Well my young padawan, there's a guy just joined who has an '04, perhaps we could convince him there's an initiation fee...
LOL!!! "Errrr yeah. Welcome in, mate. One thing though, you're going to have to hand over your mirrors. And if your wife's blonde and attractive, Benn will be wanting some Polaroids or you'll have to go hang around with the people over at Fireblades.org"
Dear Auntie Ken, A while back my motorised bicycle 'fell over' and caused some right bloody expensive damage. It also give me a kick on it's way down and caused me a bit of grief also. Bastard. I'm also self employed and having to support a disabled son to a previous bitch, and being a bit injured had to have a few weeks off. Also, the recession seems to be hoofing me in the nads. Then the wife pissed off and moved into the flat above my local boozer! I then had to start supping elsewhere so as to avoid getting myself locked up. While in the new watering hole I got yapping with a posh bird who I kind of know, and we.had a reet good night. I then took her to a pub fer some grub and she snogged me. This roused my interest somewhat, so have started proper dating her. She gets @£100k / year through her business and rental properties, drives a rag top CLK, lives in a £250k house and erm....um...(drops to her knees, shall we say?) almost anytime I ask. She is pretty bloody gorgeous, as EVERYONE keeps telling me. She also wants to take me to Alton towers tomorrow for HER birthday, with an overnight stay. She's a right proper lady aswell. I'm not allowed to swear, burp or fart in her company. Bastard. My problem is................ How do I keep her from visiting spec savers and finding out i'm a right ugly bugger? This is imperritive as she wants to take me to disneyland for 2 weeks then fly to australia for another 2 weeks. And, I can rebuild my bike in her garage.
Dear Blaggers I'm afraid the DM of Destiny is about to bury its yellow stitching in your love spuds yet again. Can't you see that this whole scenario is just too good to be true and you are being set up, possibly to murder her husband or to win a bet like in Bernard-Shaw's iconic Pygmalion, or to you in the north, Trading Places with Eddie Murphy. This is just not to be old friend. I'm sorry to have to say it but as your chum I feel it is my place to. So much so that I cannot break your heart any further by making you confront this false goddess in order to tell her that this cruel peccadillo must end. To this end I will take it upon myself to confront her and explain to her the error of her ways and compel her to walk away from your broken mind and body and never, never darken your door again. So just slip me her phone number and address and I personally will see that she never bothers you again. As a mate. Kind regards Auntie Ken.
Dear Auntie Ken, Please accept my heartfelt thanks. I cannot find the words to convey my grattitude to you for your selfless offer to unburden me, thus allowing me my freedom of entering an empty house every evening, then having.the choice of beans on toast, or just toast....or bugger all because i'm far too busy flicking through the channels.....cos I can. Once again I have my liberty, am able to pick my nose, scratch my bollocks and fart while watching 'Dave'....life is once again worth living. Thank you. p.s. phone no., address, piccy for id purposes, etc all sent to you.
