I got suspended from my job today, I only told the apprentice he's the brightest kid I've met in ages. I didn't realise Albinos were so fucking sensitive.
dutch historians have today released an updated version of anne franks last entry in her diary YIPPEE........todays my birthday.... dads bought me a drum kit !!
A biker jumps in a taxi slightly drunk with just £5.00 in his pocket. He tells the driver to take him home, or get as close as he can for a fiver. It's pissiig down when the driver stops 100 yards from his house......... "Thats your fiver up mate". says the driver "Christ, it's only another 100 yards. You can keep me from gatting soaked" said the biker. "Sorry mate, your out of money..... Out ya get" The next week the biker is slightly drunk again, and spots the taxi driver at the end of a long queue of cabs. So he goes to the first cab, opens the door and says " Give me a lift home, and I'll suck ya cock " " Bugger off ya dirty git " Replies the taxi driver. At the next cab he does exactly the same, with the same relpy, and goes all the way down the queue of cabs until he reaches the the taxi driver who let him get soaked the previous week. He jumps in and says "Home please driver ".......... And sticks his thumb up to all the other cab drivers as he goes by.
The rest of the question was unfortunately cut off when the person at the door became the unwitting victim of yet another friendly fire incident. Friendly fire isn't, by the way.
If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times. Don't sneeze while picking your nose with a Kabar.
Understand that the A12 is the main trunk road in Essex As a trucker stops for a red light on the A12 a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of Her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,............ "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter and I'm driving the gritter lorry ......."
a few funnies: Woo hoo!!!! the wife's finally agreed to anal sex. er.................what's a strap on? the wife came down from having a bath, gave me a wink and said " i shaved my pussy in the bath and ya know what that means?" i replied "the plug hole's blocked?" priest asks the pope "when is it legal to have sex with boys?" "it's legal when they've left school" says the pope priest replies "roll on 4 o'clock!" the wife has just asked what i was doing on the computer. i said i was looking for cheap flights. she got all excited, which is strange as she has never shown any interest in darts before. so, 40% of men over 40 suffer from erection problems? looking at most women over 40, it's not difficult to see why. "you're gonna have sex tonight" "how do you know?" "because i'm stronger than you" bought the wife some crotchless knickers for halloween. it's nothing sexual, i just wanted to give her a better grip on her broomstick. my wife and daughter are leaving me due to my obsession with horse racing. And they're off!! my mate reckons he always cries after sex...........................................mind you, he IS in prison laying next to the wife in bed i looked into her eyes and said "seeing your face reminds me of the lottery" "because i'm worth millions"? she asked "no", i said "i wish you'd roll over" found my first grey pube today......normally that wouldn't bother me but it was in a greggs pasty. phoned the police today. "what's your emergency?" they asked. i told them " two girls are fighting over me". "ok" she paused, "so what's the problem?" i said "the fat one's winning"
Person who stabbed him in the face, should have taken heed of the tattoo on his chest......and shot him instead!
