Skimpy black dress £60. Sparkly shoes £80. Expensive make-up £45. Nightclub ticket £10. the look on her face as she wakes up in a filthy flat, covered in semen, you next to her with a massive grin on your face priceless. There are some things money can't buy - in which case, use ROHYPNOL.
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I think I may have posted this before but this week I feel the need to re-stress it for all us grunts out there. For all management types out there 'gof uck yourselves'. A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced his altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted: "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but got detained and had to rush and now I'm lost." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 45 degrees north latitude and between 9 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be a technician," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." "Ah," the woman responded, "You must be in management." "I am!" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you had no intention or any idea of how to keep, and you have looked to someone below you to solve this problem for you. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but you have managed to convince yourself that this, somehow is my fault."
I refuse to comment, being somewhat aware of your role in your pre retiree life, but more and more, in my experience, a manager is somebody promoted beyond his abilities. I'm in a slightly better mood now as the twat's gone to London for the day.
I told my girlfriend the other day , if she wears any more fake tan , Madonna will try and adopt her! My doctor was checking my balls for any lumps the other day. It got awkward when I ran my fingers through his hair. I'm gutted - there I was, one last question to win £25,000, and the quiz-master asked 'What are the first words of the Bible?' so I replied 'Once upon a time...'
