Man United dressing room before kick off on Monday "right lads we should have had this title wrapped up but we've been sloppy." "we can't let these blue cunts snatch it now because they'll never let us live it down. They stung us on the Munich anniversary and stuffed us 6 - 1. I don't care what you do punch, elbow, push, pull, kick or dive get the fuck out there and get the job done"! At this point Ferguson steps in "Cheers ref, I'll take it from here"!
We must finally accept that we no longer live in a world where a decent Boobie/fart/knob gag is appreciated properly
All three of my boys are being raised correctly as they still find the smallest trump hilarious and mention boobs and they are rolling around on the floor ! I suppose this is my legacy to the world lol
Both my lads and I think Boobs, farts and knob jokes are hilarious, interestingly L doesn’t. It must be a boy’s never grow up thing.
Blaggers is right. My boss suffers terminal flatulence. I've suffered his trumping day in, day out for 17 years and it's still funny, and depending on the context, sometimes funnier than others. Sometimes, when he's stuck with a customer for longer than he expected to be, he develops this high speed Hercule Poirot walk as he's trying to suck it back which isf ucking hilarious.
This morning the French people are waking up to a new President. Meanwhile, Carla Bruni's waking up next to an unemployed French midget. I give it six months.
The government is now saying that all dogs will have to be chipped. A spokesman for the Korean community said that this was great news
The wife and I were in the shopping centre earlier where we rounded a corner to see a gaggle of young girls, all wearing next to nothing, pouring out of HMV. "Phwoar" I said to the wife, pointing at a gorgeous lass about 18yrs old. "I bet you wish you had legs like that", she didn't respond but I could tell she was upset, I could hear the sobs as I wheeled her up the ramp into Debenhams.
Just had a gay mate on the phone and he told me he is changing his surname (step brother issues).Both adoptive parents have passed away and he wants nothing to do with his step brother when he moves. His name is Robert and his new surname is going to be SEND. Why Send is what I said. This is his answer: If he gets lost,people will be asking have you seen Rob Send. And his name on his office door will read R Send. Fucking classic!!!
A tough looking group of bikers were riding along when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?" So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........" The authorities think she may have been throw off.
A man had just boarded and settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his Black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.' The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to 'search'. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm. The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land. 'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man. Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The Policeman said, 'Two paws mean that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.' 'I like it!' said his seat mate. The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to piss all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?' The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
