I'm sure there was an author who used to name all his characters after London Underground stations. But if there wasn't, it's my idea, right!
Police have confirmed the arrest of a man in Norfolk for falling into a combine harvester whilst trying to steal it . He's due to be bailed tomorrow...
I'm getting a little pi££ed off with all these alegations against Jimmy Savile, i met him in leeds General hospital in the late 70's and he seemed Really nice. next people will be telling me he wasn't even quallified to perform my prostate examination!
Susan Boyle has jumped to the defence of Jimmy Saville saying she was on jim'll fix it when she was only 13 and he never touched her.
ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND: It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is John. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for my wife to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before we go to bed. Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean).. I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support my wife. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other. EDITOR'S NOTE: John died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that John, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
You see, funny as it is, the hilarity of Johnny's tale is compounded by the fact that yesterday afternoon, while mowing the grass, Jeanette stepped onto a rotten deadfall apple, slipped and hurt herself quite badly. The picture above is the least of her abrasions and the only one that her modesty would permit me to share with you all. She hobbled back into the house crying "medic!" But unfortunately the game I was playing on the Xbox isn't the type with the instant save. You have to play through to one of several save points dotted around each level, and the thing is I wasn't anywhere near any of them at the time. Well it seemed a shame to waste all the hard work I'd put in to reach the point at which she interrupted me. And that was when the fight started.
Ken, I hope you advised Jeanette to pick that deadfall apple up, you don't want her falling over next time the grass needs mowing! Do the decent thing old chap, please!
Owwwwww that looks sore, poor J. Cant help thinking that's your story! Kenneth....... a birthday BJ should be freely given by loving partner, ok soft soap, bribery even black mail is a given but the old "she tripped over a rotten apple story" tut tut. Oh and just for future reference....did it work, we have apple trees in our field, so suitable alibi applies?
