Thieving Gits Bad news! Can't believe there are people out there like this Fck'en Tosser, especially at this time of year! Came home yesterday all the windows open, every thing gone! Why do they do it! Nothing left. These people must be so low! It's ruined my Christmas, they have just opened all the windows and taken everything........all the chocolates gone, even the one for Christmas day. took me a while to get it...lol
Christ if Jeanette read that she'd faint. She nearly did when she realised she only had enough white lindors for 17 days on her advent calendar. She was staring at it like a cat at a mouse hole until the 9th and she could start eating them.
Just got back from visiting the wife in hospital because she has a wounded leg, the doctor said "she's had a very lucky escape, can you describe what exactly happened?" I said "she got shot" he said "You'll have to be more accurate than that" I said "I know, but i'm not very experienced with guns!" Mornin!!!
Can I tell my christmas joke now, can I, can I..............Two snowmen having a chat, one says to the other "is it just me or can you smell carrots"
Two monkeys running a bath, one says ‘ohhhh ohhhhhhh ohhhhhh ahhhhhhh ohhhhhh ahhhhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhh ohhhhhhh’. The other one replied ‘just put some more cold in then you idiot. What! It’s clean isn’t it!
dentist says to his female patient "you know you have just grabbed my balls?" "yes" she replies "now we will both have to be careful not to hurt each other" just ate some scrabble pieces ......tomorrows shite could spell trouble
Was out christmas shopping with the wife yesterday, she spotted a pair of boots at £250 and said "You can buy me those for christmas" I said "No chance love, they're way too expensive" Later on in bed as she was falling asleep i ran my hand up her leg, she turned to me and said "I don't think so mate................If you're not prepared to shoe the horse then you sure as hell are'nt gonna f@@kin ride it!" Mornin!
My other half came back from buying her costume for a fancy dress party earlier. "Stay there baby" she said to me, "while I nip upstairs and put it on to show you." She came back down, opened the living room door and stood before me. "Wow honey, that's a winning costume you've got there." I told her. "That's the most convincing killer whale outfit I've ever seen." "I'm a nun, you tw*t."
In cooking class I learned that the thinner a piece of meat is, the quicker it will burn. It didn't go down too well when I asked my history teacher if Hitler was applying that logic when he starved the Jews in the ghetto's.
