Woman walking out of supermarket loaded with shopping spots a beefy young trolley attendant she asks "would you mind helping me to my car please?" "certainly madam" he replies, she looks him up and down and feeling horny says "I've got an itchy pussy" he says "You'll have to point it out, all those japanese cars look the f@@kin same to me!" Mornin!!!
Oscar currently in jail has been put on suicide watch At least they don’t have to worry about taking his shoe laces.
The wife just rung me and said "I've just run over a skunk but it's still alive what should i do?" I said "put it up your skirt to keep it warm till you get to the vets" she said "But what about the smell?" I said "put a f@@kin peg on it's nose!" Evenin!!!
Just heard that another athlete has been arrested for a gun crime, Ellie Simmonds is on a small arms charge.
Beckham gets into a taxi, and he sees the driver looking at him in the rear view mirror, after about 5 minutes, the driver says, ok give me a clue. Bex says, I had a glittering career at Man U, played in America ans also got over 100 caps for England, Is that enough ?? Driver says, no you thick tw@t, where you going to ??!!!
Valentines Day: Dinner: £70 Drinks: £50 Taxi: £20 Hotel: £300 The look on your face when she tells you she's on her period.. PRICELESS The look on HER face when you shove it up her ass.... EPIC
A findus spokesman explained tonight that products from findus will no longer be labeled with calories. Now it's horsepower
please remember this is ONLY A JOKE The other day I needed to go to the local NHS hospital but not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my blue jacket and pinned on a plastic ID card, that I had made off the Internet, onto the front of my jacket. When I went into the hospital, I noticed that 5 or 6 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. It cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time. It also works at all supermarkets. It saves me hours. At the Launderette, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running! Don't try it at McDonald's though..... The whole staff disappeared and I never got my order! Also.......... never wear it while trying to get a taxi!! Here's the badge. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker service.
You say that but I heard the government has a plan to slash benefit claims in one slash. From now on all the forms will only be printed in English. And hey, I'm not prejudiced. I dislike everyone with equal contempt.
South African police have installed state of the art technology outside the bail address of Oscar Pistorius to ensure he does'nt do a runner.... ....................A cattle grid!!!
government are saying that they are not worried about thousands of Romanians invading the UK. Apparently we have eaten their main mode of transport.
I went to a massage parlour last night, the masseuse asked "Any extra's?" I said "F@@k off, it's dear enough in here, buy your own f@@kin chewing gum!!!" Mornin All
kevin webster appeared in court today on child sex offences,police are looking for any accomplicies try to leave the country here is a photofit of a person of interest
[/IMG] A copper pulls up alongside a 13 year old girl spewing and spitting in Coronation Street .''Have you been drinking young lady '? asked the fuzz. To which she replied yes iv'e just had a pint of Websters.!
