That's a bit like the difference between a crane and a giraffe, ones got hydraulics and the other..........
An angry wife to her husband on Phone: "Where the hell are you?" Husband: "Darling You Remember that Jewelers Shop? Where you Saw the Diamond Necklace and totally fell In Love with It and I Didn't have Money that time and I said "Baby It'll be yours 1 Day" Wife, with a big Smile & Blushing: "Yes Yes I remember that My Love." Husband: "I'm In the Pub just next to that shop."
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account. At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. 'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier. The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.' 'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?' The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously: 'I think so. Provided those wa$kers at Jewsons deliver the f**king bricks on time.'
Geez Remal that's not nice!! my grandad died at Auschwitz....................he fell out of a machine gun tower
Malcolm Tucker IS Dr Who! - YouTube Might have to have a rethink about the kids watching Dr Who next yr !!
It's f*****g bigger on the f*****g inside than it is on the outside! Yes. It exists outside of the f*****g accepted three dimensional paradigm! So f*****g get over it you chavvy f***tard!!! It's not going to work, is it...
[video]http://ramp.ie/index.php/reviews/books/top-ten-horrible-book-covers/[/video]Nearly weed myself reading this.....it takes a second or two to load... worth waiting for tho..
Guy moves to a log cabin the outbacks in Arizonia, not another cabin sight, this is the life he thought. Next day there is a knock on the door, he opens it another guy is standing there, he says "Hi neighbour, welcome to the outback, like to come to a welcome party tonight" "Will there be food there" "Loads of food" "Will there be beer" "Loads of beer" "Will there be fighting there" "Oh yes loads of fighting after the beers" "Will there be shagging there" "Of course, loads of shaggin" "OK Il'll come, what shall I wear" "Don't matter, it's just you and me"
Bloke goes for a job at sea. The captain says "Have you had any experience at sea?" "No" says the bloke, "But I'm honest!" The captain takes him on and off they sail. After three weeks at sea the guy is busy mopping the decks, when a big wave crashes over the bows and sweeps him overboard. The 1st mate goes running to the captain, "You know the bloke we took on, the one who said he was honest...? Well he's just fked off with your mop!"
After a serious night out on his stag do I went round to see my mate Dave the next day. "Fuck me" he said "after all that curry and beer last night I feel like ive been battered for 12 rounds in the ring with George whats his name..." "George Forman you mean?" I asked "No not Forman, George Michael. My arseholes killing me."
I've just read that if you shave your pubes it can add an inch. I tried it and it's a load of bollocks. I'm still five foot four.
Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky-dive. When I got to the door of the plane I just couldn't jump so the 6ft 7in black instructor unzips his fly and says, "If you don't jump you're getting this baby right up your arse". Mick asks, "Did you jump?" Paddy replies, "A little bit when it first went in".
Just thought I'd nip over to my Gran's and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up. Cobwebs and spiders in the windows and a skeleton on the couch. She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer... I'll pop back next year.
