A chap was telling his mate that his wife was no longer passionate in bed. His mate suggested that he spice things up by firing a starting pistol at the point of climax. The guy decided to surprise his wife and leave work early for some afternoon delight. When he got home he was surprised to find his wife already in bed dressed in her sex kit. They got down to business and after some lively action they ended up in the 69 position. As suggested, at the point of climax he took out the starting pistol which he had hidden and fired it. A few weeks later he met his friend who asked how things had worked out. He explained it had been a total disaster. At the point of climax he fired the starting pistol and his wife simultaneously shat in his face and bit off the end of his knob. In addition the bloke in the wardrobe had a heart attack.
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are twenty drinks a piece deep in a bar and heavily debating the function, form and design of a woman’s vagina. The Englishman, who studied the classics at Oxford is absolutely convinced it could only have been an artist. Gentlemen, the pink to luscious red gradient, as if it had been rendered by Leonardo! More marvellous than I can only imagine Athena’s cheeks. The Vagina is truly a glory to behold. Smashing back another port he then launches into praising it’s texture..... Like a steak tartare! A frisse of salad laid with the yolk over the finest flesh. Tart and tangy but moist and sweet. Salt from the sweat as the mouthful is savoured! A feast into the bargain and not to forget, oh my friends the life, the life! Beyond its walls lie the water itself! The vessel, the Chalice, the virgin, the holy grail! An artist I say goddamit, in fact the grand architect himself! Cheers! The Irishman’s heard enough..... Listen here Sassenach! I’ll have you know for thirty three years an engineer, there is only one person who could have designed the ladies gem. It’s simple and you and your education there boy have blinded you to the truest maker of them all. An engineer, only on par with the almighty could have accomplished such a creation and theres nothing will be said otherwise. A flawless design, the purest functionality and a self libricating system. Now think on that imbecile. You after another port then limey? We can’t have you getting up now can we your majesty! In between the two the Scotsman has fallen back in the bench laughing away at a wee bubble in his pints head that’s looking like a boaby. Finally he manages to piece together a few words of his own. Pulling him self up and murmuring shift over lads shift over eh. He’s absolutely Hammered but he’s been following the story so far eventually he blurts out “cooncil wurker!” The Englishman and the Irishman are not only amazed he can still speak but also that it appears he’s on topic. A council worker you say there Jimmy??? Are you absolutely sure!? “Aye a am!” Well come on then man we haven’t got all night.... “Listen lads it’s simple. It wis the council. Cause who else would put a shit house next to a recreation centre!”
